she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i need some magic done to my vagina
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
