Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
