Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
