why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
