I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
