Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
