Your dad touched me again.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
