he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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