The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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