yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
