God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
