Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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