He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
