I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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