just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
