if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
