I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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