my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
