There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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