I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
