We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
