This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
