Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
