please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
