that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
two words...techno handjob
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
