Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You took a bar mat shot.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
