Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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