you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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