I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
