broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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