mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She's JV to your varsity
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
