Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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