remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
