He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
