I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
