drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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