yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
