Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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