You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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