I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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