Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You have to summon your inner elephant
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
