It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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