Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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