I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
