Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
