New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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