I seem to have left my pride at pride
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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