you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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