She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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