i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
