Cold hands, warm shart.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
