So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
