Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist. http://tfl.nu/5y9j

Replies (0) Good night (640) Bad night (1903)
Favorite
(240): View more from Maryland

this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(240): this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday. http://tfl.nu/pumo

Replies (30) Good night (12032) Bad night (813)
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement. http://tfl.nu/p08o

Replies (2) Good night (2204) Bad night (1281)
Favorite
(608): View more from Wisconsin

A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(608): A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood. http://tfl.nu/4fl8

Replies (7) Good night (2117) Bad night (1782)
Favorite
(785): View more from Kansas

Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(785): Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini. http://tfl.nu/90ss

Replies (10) Good night (3327) Bad night (624)
Favorite
(740): View more from Ohio

Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(740): Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level http://tfl.nu/3z9c

Replies (24) Good night (1181) Bad night (3397)
Favorite
(401): View more from Rhode Island

Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(401): Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world. http://tfl.nu/8eb4

Replies (8) Good night (2758) Bad night (513)
Favorite
(231): View more from Michigan

I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(231): I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement http://tfl.nu/2xwy

Replies (6) Good night (1781) Bad night (485)
Favorite
(602): View more from Arizona

hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(602): hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse http://tfl.nu/qtc9

Replies (7) Good night (2193) Bad night (507)
Favorite
(469): View more from Texas

You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(469): You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels http://tfl.nu/mqc8

Replies (8) Good night (1795) Bad night (490)
Favorite
(323): View more from California

Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(323): Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking. http://tfl.nu/kzzf

Replies (1) Good night (1427) Bad night (494)
Favorite
(416): View more from Toronto

Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(416): Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground? http://tfl.nu/za9i

Replies (19) Good night (1173) Bad night (436)
Favorite
(609): View more from New Jersey

he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(609): he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night? http://tfl.nu/gjwh

Replies (5) Good night (371) Bad night (1280)
Favorite
(512): View more from Texas

He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(512): He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small http://tfl.nu/qooh

Replies (3) Good night (841) Bad night (217)
Favorite
(803): View more from South Carolina

By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(803): By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding. http://tfl.nu/2avy

Replies (6) Good night (663) Bad night (231)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Find Us On: