So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck