We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
