I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
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he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.