being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
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I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.