I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
