after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.