just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.