Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking

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  (973): i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking http://tfl.nu/emks
  Replies (23) Good night (447) Bad night (2427)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.

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  (312): I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night. http://tfl.nu/6of9
  Replies (11) Good night (6229) Bad night (992)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities

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  (603): I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities http://tfl.nu/wabu
  Replies (6) Good night (3176) Bad night (728)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.

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  (202): You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first. http://tfl.nu/24o7
  Replies (3) Good night (673) Bad night (1548)
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  (845): View more from New York

  officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.

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  (845): officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand. http://tfl.nu/8nd1
  Replies (7) Good night (1447) Bad night (816)
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  (909): View more from California

  We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.

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  (909): We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic. http://tfl.nu/24xb
  Replies (1) Good night (1046) Bad night (480)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy 

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  (902): Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy  http://tfl.nu/xdoc
  Replies (1) Good night (914) Bad night (343)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I want to own their dicks and all the attachments

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  (210): I want to own their dicks and all the attachments http://tfl.nu/6rti
  Replies (1) Good night (774) Bad night (386)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke

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  (317): Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke http://tfl.nu/8yqx
  Replies (3) Good night (825) Bad night (609)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.

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  (479): I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk. http://tfl.nu/vgj4
  Replies (7) Good night (1101) Bad night (304)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun

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  (616): Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night. (402): 20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun http://tfl.nu/qbq0
  Replies (2) Good night (660) Bad night (413)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....

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  (480): There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night.... http://tfl.nu/234u
  Replies (3) Good night (430) Bad night (352)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week

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  (+44): Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week http://tfl.nu/qjgk
  Replies (2) Good night (452) Bad night (368)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.

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  (901): She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right. http://tfl.nu/eqzr
  Replies (7) Good night (958) Bad night (292)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.

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  (404): Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs. http://tfl.nu/rj7n
  Replies (7) Good night (697) Bad night (160)

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