That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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