He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
