i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
