ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
