Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Are my feet made of real feet?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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